There’s nothing about sex that is private

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  • 7 years ago
  • Posted: October 31, 2014 at 12:08 pm

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Tim Cook, The Media, and Sex

Maybe you have heard, maybe you are being shocked by the news, Tim Cook is gay. He says,

While I have never denied my sexuality, I haven’t publicly acknowledged it either, until now. So let me be clear: I’m proud to be gay, and I consider being gay among the greatest gifts God has given me.

The fact that he is gay is not something to pay attention to, but the statement “I consider being gay among the greatest gifts God has given me” is bothering, not me, but the conservative religionists.  I’ll come to this later.

First, there is someone concerned about the recent Trust adverts running on TVs and Radios. The concerned person wrote to Cofek and stated,

I get ashamed when I watch “Trust” condoms ads with my 13 year old daughter. No longer about protection but glorification of sex. It amounts to moral degradation.


I am worried about the statement, “Condom ads are… no longer about protection but glorification of sex. It amounts to moral degradation”.

Truth is, I am worried about the fact that someone could be ashamed of sex, either in the presence of a toddler or a 110 year old grandma.

Two comments on that Facebook update by Cofek are worth mentioning. The first one reads:

The simple trueth nd I repeat the simple trueth is that our social values have degraded not because of ads bt the rapid technological advancement they av both pros nd cons its nt up to the govt or private sector bt the relationship nd values u gv ur child r what r vital. so lets take responsibility and raise our kids responsibly it starts with me nd u ~ James M M


The second one has this to say,

STOP IT. There are better ways of relaying same message without glorifying sex. What is the Media Council doing? They must do what they are paid to do.


Now to my questions:

1. Why is sex a moral issue?

In the entire two kingdoms (plant and animal) that use sex as a means for procreation, only the humans species have a problem with sex. I am not sure where in the evolutionary chain did humans start considering sex a moral issue, but I could say once the first “leader” of the jungle realized he could not share his female companion with some nigga, he decided to institute a law against sex sharing. Or, when humans decided to use sex not only as a means to reproduce but also as a tool for showing that we care (love?), we then allowed jealousy and selfishness to creep in. “How dare do you say you care about me yet you **** with that other good for nothing slut?”, she must have asked.  Then ages later marriage was invented, then religion (I don’t know which one came first), and here we are.

Religion helped to categorize sex outside of marriage as sin under the generic terms of adultery and fornication, thus generally allowing for determining most of the sexual behaviors as vile. The requirement that sex should only take place between joined partners e.g. via marriage, immoralization of sex outside of marriage, and demanding that all sexual activities should be done in private and secluded confines meant sexual needs could not be satisfied as necessary and this gave birth to promiscuity and prostitution; which by the way is the largest illicit industry after drugs.

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Sex is the number one basic need: In the list of basic needs you may want to list food, shelter and clothing as the primary needs (for survival) then add in there needs such as education, health, love, self esteem and the rest of yada yada according to our high school understanding of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs but why do we have all these needs in the first place? Why don’t we, as individuals, want to die? So that we can ultimately go to heaven or hell? Nah, so that we as humanity don’t die out. This is true with every species of living things including gods (if they exist).

Gods may have different means for survival as living beings – e.g. by the ability to exist as three or more distinct beings yet still remain a single entity but we the animals and plants that use sex as the only means to survive as races or species, our basic need is sex.

We eat, work and love so that we can have sex to  ensure survival of this human race – and that’s the ultimate goal of life; nothing less. Probably there could be more e.g. an afterlife where we will live to endlessly sing and dance and eat and massage some supreme ego, or alternatively burn in hot flames for eternity as a punishment for taking part in some sexual talk or watching unwelcome sexual ads, but before the utopia and hell can be verified empirically or otherwise, we must realize we are here solely to have sex.

Sex is deeply rooted in us all

Religion aside, sex alongside selfishness and greed are the most deeply rooted emotions in all of us. Businesses and entertainment thrive on the basis of sex. Without digging deep we must accept that social media sites like Twitter and Facebook have thrived to be where they as a result of silently liberating sexual talk. Thanks to sex, WhatsApp was able to get a valuation of Shs 1.6 trillion (USD 19 billion) and the same sex has been able to accelerate the ratings of Kenya’s Classic FM and the popularized Maina Kageni to the top. In the last few years, Silicon Valley has been thriving mostly on sex related products.

The anti sex crusaders mostly religious organizations have since realized that their revenues are dwindling and as a result have taken to covertly encourage sexual appearances in their midst in dressing, songs and dance to bring the sexual curious populace in their congregations as a strategy to compete against the strip clubs and bars.

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The liberty with which sex has been accorded in Rugby sevens and Gor Mahia matches has had direct impact in popularization these sporting activities in Kenya. Without sex tourism, hospitality and and showbiz industries would be dead.

2. Why shy away from sex?

In November 2011 I went to South Africa for the first time to visit a client (Eston Sugar Mill) based a few kilometers out of Pietermaritzburg. That’s similar to the most rural parts of sugar producing Western Kenya where you would expect the inhabitants to be as conservative and reserved as the old grandpa elders in an SDA or Catholic church active in church leadership since the mid 50s.

After spending my night in the nearby hotel I went to the factory to be received by my host, a Quality Control Manager called Steve. Once Steve saw me, he stood up, happily shook my hands and as expected from a polite conservative African, asked me if I had a comfortable trip from Kenya, if my night was nice and if I had taken my breakfast. In the same breath and without a blink he asked, “have you had your sex?”

“What?” I shyly asked.

“Did the hotel arrange for your sex or you want me to arrange for that?”

Since I have some concerned person of the opposite sex that I care about and probably is reading this and would kill if she knew what transpired after that, I will live the answer to your imagination. But one thing I learned from the old Steve (he was close to 50 in 2011), we should care about others when it comes to sex just the same way we care about them when it comes to having breakfast.

As human beings we have learned not to be ashamed of giving others shelter, food or clothing. We have learned how to give others affection and company and attention publicly. We have learned how to keep ourselves hygienic and healthy and we do not shy away from taking part in any activities related to education, work and social interaction – but for some weird reason, we feel guilty whenever sex comes into the picture yet all the other things we do, we do so that we can have sex.

We feel ashamed whenever Durex is advertised on TV. We demoralize boys and girls who dance sexily (e.g. twerking) and we call liberal sex givers and seekers some of the most derogatory words like whores, harlots, prostitutes and sluts. We criminalize sex trade but liberalize food markets. We term all attempts to glorify sex (put it in its rightful place) as a degradation of morality.

3. Again, what’s the fuss about sex?

Because we have a fuss about sex, Apple’s iCloud was hacked from August 31st to well into September 2014 and a number of nude celebrity photos were leaked to the Internet. The celebs sued Apple. In the meantime, Google had to pay some middle aged lady a whooping USD 2,250 for showing part of her breasts on Street View image in Google Maps.

At the onset of the nudity leaks from iCloud I wondered on my Facebook,

I don’t understand two things:

1. Why being naked is a big deal and
2. Why religion immoralised sex.

In all honesty, why is nudity a problem at all? Away from health problems (that would reduce our longevity), what is wrong with the picture of everyone walking naked in the streets? Okay, I think we would look uglier but other than that I don’t know where the fuss is.

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The second picture: thousands having sex in the streets. Give it a thought. The picture speaks for a rotten society? Extremely rotten society?

4. If we were able to, could we impose our sexual morality to all the other living things?

The picture of thousands to millions of people having sex openly will lead to preachers breaking their vocal cords. That’s the most form of a degraded society that a conservative religionist can imagine.

Hell and flames would be called upon earth immediately the first tens of people openly engage in such an activity, no doubt. But that’s the same thing that happens in the animal kingdom – in the jungle or in the streets – although largely the animal kingdom only mate whenever procreation calls.

Now then, since the animal kingdom already practice sex openly, would we enforce our moral codes on them if we were able to communicate? Ask them to get married, enjoy their sexual innuendos only in their closets? Dress up for reasons other than cold?

Back to Tim Cook

Those who are gay and still believe in the existence of gods, especially gods that inspired a book like the bible, how do you justify the burning up of Sodom and Gomorrah and still call homosexuality a gift? How do you reconcile your conscious with Romans chapter one? How do you answer the argument that god did not create Adam and Adam or Eve and Eve but Adam and Eve during the establishment of humanity on earth?

For those who do not buy into the god(s) arguments, the fact that humanity has evolved to not only use sex solely for procreation but as a tool for showing love and care is a good reason enough. After all, biological sexual beings like humans have given rise to bisexual counterparts like the hermaphrodites and hormonally imbalanced beings that naturally find same sex  attractive. These facts stand for themselves.

What’s this article about?

Before someone like Martin Gicheru of Techweez condemns this article as non technology writeup let me say this; as human beings that have come to embrace technology, advancement in knowledge including knowledge on evolution, sexuality and sexual orientations, the fact that the Internet allows us to access sexual content at ease, enjoy naked photos at will and watch pornographic materials without censorship, we should stop making fuss about Tim Cook’s gayism or feel embarrassed that Trust and Durex condoms are putting up some ads on sex.

We are first sexual beings before we are technological ones. Enjoy a sexual freedom day, will you?

What is your opinion on the topic?
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