There are three Masters – a boss, an addiction and a fart. The solution to the first, be your own boss. Solution to the second, get rehabilitation. And to the third, read on.
There’s a reason why there are so many jokes around farting. For example:
While at dinner party, a man farts. Other man says “How dare you fart in front of my wife”. First man says “Sorry, I didn’t realize it was her turn”.
Farting is embarrassing when done in public. If held up, it becomes the number one source of discomfort. One morning Kiss 100 breakfast show hosted this woman who was selling un-approved medical procedure for cleansing the GIT. I didn’t buy her “crap” but liked the advises she gave:
- Never postpone a poop, the next time you feel the urge it will be a different one
- Release the gas when you feel like it; you need to relieve yourself of the dirt.
Then there’s a saying, “You know you are in a free relationship if you can fart freely – whenever and wherever.” But the truth is the ultimate fart freedom has been decades if not centuries away. Public fart will always make us feel guilty. Fart in the comfort of your private home and pray that no one knocks. There’s a story,
One afternoon a young guy that I know was resting in his single room. The room so small that a 4 by 6 bed fits without living standing space, everything else tacked underneath. He was waiting for a hot date he had secured via Facebook. The girl called to inform him that she was already in a mat, coming. He sent her a text message with the direction to his crib, so simple a direction that no one would need to be picked. Minutes went by then he farted. He didn’t have a window.
He stood up to open the door so that fresh air could get in to get rid of the unpleasant fume. Before he could reach the door’s handle, there, he got the dreaded knock. Damn! The girl had to wait for 20 minutes for the guy to “clear the little something” he was arranging indoors.
In public you can fart silently and have the pleasure of joining everyone in condemning the shameless “farter”.
But finally we have a solution from Paul O’Leary who has developed underpants he calls Shreddies; something to do with underpants worn by British army that were shredded to pieces during matching parades. The underpants have been coated with activated carbon material Zorflex that adsorbs the fart and the sound. With shreddies you can now fart whenever and wherever and enjoy the ultimate farting freedom given to mankind by shreddies – no one will ever know.