How to kill a relationship in 30 seconds

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By Miringu Wainaina

If you want to go far, go with people enthused one wise Luo elder. This is on the backdrop of an Englishman who, once we are told, said that no man is an island. We were meant to live together and associate with each other regardless of gender, tribe, race, social class and all that divisive shit. This is the basis of relationships in all facets of life. That is why today everyone is an Obama?s brother or cousin in Kenya. I wonder why nobody wants to be? Kibaki?s relative, i guess even Jimmy want to change his name if only there was no kali Iron Lady on the background. ?#Fail! This article wishes to discuss a killer of most relationships, be it social, political, employment, marital and even criminal.

The main relationship ruining agent according to ?I? and I is when one of the party starts believing that it is helping the other party. This happens when one of the parties sees and maybe has an upper hand but emphasizes this bit too much. Probably the reasons why one party would feel like it is better than the other in a relationship are maybe due to money, beauty, numbers and information. To illustrate this contention I use various relationships:

Political Scene

The Kenyan political scenes are littered with various betrayal scenarios clearly illustrating this point. In the pre independence times one and only Simba, a certain man, was offered the seat of the presidency only to refuse it on the basis that Kenyatta must be released from hell in Kapenguria. Kenyatta was released and within six years he had turned Jaramogi into? a kumamake, Kinyarangarika aliyefaa kusiagwa kanma unga pamoja na watu wake. Kenyatta felt that Jaramogi was asking too much ?mathafaka the bugger cuold have become a president and let your ass rot in that hell.

#Fail! Fast forward to 2002. Kibaki breaks his neck and dick in an accident during campaigns and Raila tires his tail off declaring Kibaki Tosha, the bugger was sworn in and then thought Raila was a nobody in his political life?..Kaput!

Again fast forward to 2007 Dec. the only man in PNU then, Martha Karua used all her breasts and balls, breath to defend the thief that is Kibaki. Everyone knows what happened here. To summarize Kibaki and relationship was Kalembe Ndile with the punchline that ?Kimbake ni kama ngari ile imekwama..ukiisukuma ikishatoka kwa matope ..vruum inakuacha kwa mataa? How true some politicians think they? have the upper hand and are helping others which is true in most cases but others just take it too far.

Corporate World and Employer ?employee relationship

In employment relationships both the parties (employer or employee) can be the culprit. An employer sometimes feels he or she is helping you too much and starts behaving like Lucifer. Treats ?you ?like shit. No pay, you have to worship him and at worst case have to suck his or her balls or breasts. I try to imagine the people who afford to fuel their guzzlers but can?t pay their house-helps claiming they are helping them?such people probably should have a special space or cell in Hegue.

Some Employees on the other hand are not angels, sometimes they feel like they are doing so much for their employers (which is most cases is true) thus start short charging and sabotage. This can explain the G4s shit in a way?.hope the CIA are not reading this.

In criminal scenes one sucker may decide that he performed the donkey job and thus deserves a larger share of the loot or all of it. When it goes through it is ok ?but when the deal is sour as the Kenyan freaking media minions put it, then it is bang! Bang! U a fucked boy. You fucked with the wrong crew or police crooks

Seriously if you feel that you are doing too much, more than? necessary then just quit and get somewhere else where you services are appreciated

Social scene

In social scene the scenario is no different. Every one here is a culprit. Don?t start denying this fact Mr/Miss. ?You have friends who only call you only when they have problems. You also act in the same manner to some of your friends. How about the time you call someone who think you are nuisance and the only thing you got is a click on the end button from the other end or the calls always end as Number Busy?..common that is what displays when one presses end call button on you. Payback time! The Safaricom contribution in this shit is another day?s story Jah willing. Kindly don?t try this trick on your parents? or at home coz yeah it is inhuman. Tips: there is okoa jahazi ka huna airtime.

In the marital and boy-girl relationship- (sorry to the gays you can sort out your matters with the new Constitution first) , the scenario plays out more conspicuously sometimes with violent and catastrophic outcomes. One partner begins to feel that (s) he is helping the other too much. I am giving you my money, you are a parasite, I am giving you my precious asset (Maina Kageni famously called pale pale), I gave birth to your son, I wash your ngothas full of skid marks?nigger skid marks on you underwear ..use tissue! Here we are all consciously or subconsciously guilty of this shit.

From there you can understand that all these scenarios lead to straining of a relationship and the results are clearly evident all over the universe. Why silly Kikuyu will be made to loathe the Luos; why there are so many pubs and people who fear going home or places they call home; why there so many social networks promising you soul mates; why you spend so much time on Facebook and those funny dating sites trying to get a cheap lay and so on and so forth! Get a life and when you are at it don?t kill the relationship by thinking you are god.

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